I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
