i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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