Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
