And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
