My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
