is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
