I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
