you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
