Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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