I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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