Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
