What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were trust falling into bushes
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