The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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