So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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