My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
