you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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