I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
