please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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