she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
