i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
