he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize