I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
