I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
