She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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