I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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