Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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