sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Less talking, more tequila
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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