the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
