: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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