I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my being single is dangerous.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
