I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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