worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
