Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
