if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
