I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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