Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
