I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He better not be in your backpack
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
