i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
