Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
