"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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