I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Boobs are out for the taking
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
