Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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