today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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