Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just found puke in my bra..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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