Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
