Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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