I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
