On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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