Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
