I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
