i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
