dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are the jesus of drinking
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
