This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
