so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Randomize
