Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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