you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
