Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
