I got her a Nickelback box set.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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