i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
