Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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