dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
