Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
