I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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