I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
