i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
