I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
