I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
