His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
