Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
