all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
