I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize