She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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