Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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