they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
