Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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