Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
