Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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