Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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