I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
