Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
