I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
