I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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