im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
