im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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