If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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