I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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