They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
