If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
