dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
