Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
