Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
