If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
