I can text with my tongue
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
