barbara walters just said penis...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's just like the Real World with babies
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
