Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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