My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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