hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize