We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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