Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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