That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
