oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As shirtless as possible
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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