I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
