May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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