I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
