I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
