I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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