Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
