i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
