And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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